


hold me tight all the way home, i'll be warm

by paintedstudy



Category: I Was Born for This - Alice Oseman
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Gen, Religion, Snow Angels, see notes for cw, two christians and an atheist walk into a church
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21943246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintedstudy/pseuds/paintedstudy
Summary: "My sister is annoying the shit out of me," Jimmy whispered. Lister felt a spark of anger shoot through him. "Come keep me sane?"or,Lister decides he doesn’t want to spend the holidays alone, so he goes to stay with Jimmy’s family.
Relationships: Allister "Lister" Bird & Jimmy Kaga-Ricci
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	hold me tight all the way home, i'll be warm

**Author's Note:**

> based on that ask about what the ark boys do over the holidays. title is from let it snow. cw for swearing, smoking, drinking(not on lister's part) and reference to lister's alcoholism
> 
> thank you to cauchemares on tumblr for brainstorming this with me and coming up with the title!!
> 
> EDIT: changed rowan's sister's name and some dialogue about lister's dad to fit canon

The apartment was cold when Lister entered it.

Of course it was - nobody had been there in half a week. The air was cold and dead and untouched. Lister found that it made the emptiness of the apartment all that more noticeable.

It was about 1PM, December 26th. Lister was at his home apartment and he was alone.

The previous two years, around this time, he’d had parties to go to, or parties to host. There were always a handful of people who weren’t away with their families at this time, and the lack of Jimmy and Rowan made this prime time for inviting as many people round as possible.

But he couldn’t do that this year. For obvious reasons. And Jimmy had made him promise before he left a week ago.

_“Don’t go to any parties when you get back, okay?” he’d said, looking Lister right in the eye._

_Lister shook his head. “And he says he trusts me,” he said, as if he was disappointed._

_“I do,” Jimmy told him. Sincere, short, and still not looking away. It sent a rush through Lister’s body. “And I will not blame you if something happens. Just...don’t risk it, yeah?”_

_Lister was a sucker for Jimmy when he was like this. God, he was a sucker for him all the time. But he found himself nodding before he decided to do so._

_Jimmy accepted that. “My grandad’s house isn’t that far from your mum’s. Neither is Rowan’s family. Just say the word, and you can come over, alright? It sucks that you’re...that we won’t be with you for the holiday.”_

_It sucks that you’re going to be alone, he’d meant. It sucks that your mum is too stubborn to take the money she needs to spend time with you._

_Lister just nodded again. “Will do,” he promised, knowing that he wouldn’t._

Now, he wishes he could. It was so odd that he could fit into the crowd of any party he went to, no problem - that he could talk to a thousand fans within the space of a few hours and never falter -

\- But when it came to family gatherings? Possibly intruding on his friends’ relatives’ celebrations? He could never. No matter how many times Rowan and Jimmy said it was alright, no matter how well he got on with Piero or Rowan’s sister, Jade. It felt wrong.

He knew he was loud and a lot to deal with. That sort of thing worked for him at parties. It didn’t so much when it came to people who were actually important.

Lister played drums for a while to take his mind off of things. He smoked for a bit on the balcony - e-cigarettes, obviously. When he got cold, or maybe sick of looking at the grey city buildings, he went back inside and texted Bliss.

He found that she was in the middle of making last-minute gingerbread cookies with her mum, because while she wasn’t Christian, and neither was her mum, she still loved every aspect of Christmas.

That was something Lister never understood about her. Bliss was every part an emo who never quite grew out of that teenage phase, and yet she still made sure to know all the words to 'Fairytale of New York'.

It wasn’t as though Lister didn’t enjoy Christmas. He’d always enjoyed it as a kid, far more than he does now. Over time, though, he thought that maybe he began to associate it with the wrong things.

Like having the same argument with his mum, every year, and having it end in nothing but mutual sadness. Or drinking so much he still felt it two days later when Rowan and Jimmy came home. Or blacking out so that he didn’t even remember most of it. 

He guessed that this thing of him being sober was an opportunity to change that. Still, his mum went to work this morning instead of taking Lister’s money and spending just one more day at home.

“I don’t want to be that sort of person,” she had said. “I don’t want to feel like I don’t have to work just because you can afford it.”

 _Even at Christmas?_ he’d wanted to say. But Christmas didn’t mean that much to him. Really, he just wanted to spend more time with her.

So he had said nothing.

His mum had told him he could stay for longer if he wanted. But Lister knew what hours she worked, and he didn’t see what difference it would make to be alone at his mum’s rather than alone at his own place.

And now here he was. Alone, with nothing to do except watch TV alone and text people without expecting a text back.

Lister didn’t know how Jimmy did it, just being alone with himself for so long. Lister hated being alone with his thoughts. He’d asked Jimmy about it once, and Jimmy had said his own thoughts drove him crazy as well. The background noise of a movie just made it better.

Lister asked him why he wouldn’t just find someone to talk to, so he didn’t have to be alone with his thoughts at all. Jimmy had just shaken his head.

Lister found himself staring absently at his and Jimmy’s texts. He wanted to call him. He wanted to see him again. It was strange how going a week without seeing him affected Lister so much, but then again they had spent the past three years almost constantly together.

His phone screen dimmed. He tapped it to keep it on, but he still didn’t press the Call button, nor did he go to type a text.

He switched his phone off, and moved it to the side. No point, no point.

Light caught Lister's eye in his peripheral vision. He glanced over, and saw Jimmy's name on his phone screen.

He watched his phone ring silently. Moments passed. He forced himself to pick up.

"Hey."

" _Hi, Lister_ ," Jimmy said. " _Uh. You're home, right?_ "

"Yeah."

" _Okay. Wanna come to Kent?_ "

Lister struggled to reply. Jimmy continued.

" _My sister is annoying the shit out of me_ ," he whispered. Lister felt a spark of anger shoot through him. " _Come keep me sane?_ "

Silence. And then, "Okay."

* * *

Lister arrived at Jimmy's Grandad's place nearing 10PM, and the smile Jimmy answered the door with could have lit up the whole town.

“It’s snowing?” Jimmy said quietly, eyes wide.

Lister nodded. Jimmy stepped aside to let Lister in. Lister dropped his bag on the floor and began to take his hood down. Jimmy was still at the door. “You alright?”

Jimmy glanced at him. He opened his mouth, and it took a moment for words to form. “Would you mind- going on a walk with me?”

Lister frowned. “Now?”

Jimmy bit his lip. “Yeah? It just...never snows here, so…”

Lister sighed dramatically. “Fine,” he said, and did his coat back up.

“Love you,” Jimmy replied, and Lister’s heart stopped in his chest. “Lister and I are gonna go on a walk,” he announced, loudly.

“Alright, be safe,” Piero called back.

“That’s a fucking terrible idea,” a different voice - Jimmy’s sister, Bella - called.

Lister rolled his eyes. “Piss off.”

“Ay, Lister’s here then,” she called back. “You alright?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Yeah.”

Lister turned back to Jimmy. He lowered his voice. “Fucking hate her.”

Jimmy smiled. “I know. Let’s go.”

* * *

They didn’t go into into the woods, for obvious reasons. Although Lister didn’t remember wandering off there that night in August, he still didn’t want to tempt fate. Or something.

Besides, if they stayed in town, Lister could better see Jimmy’s face as he watched the snowfall. He was so quietly stunned by it, and he was beautiful.

“It never snows here,” he said, for the umpteenth time since leaving the house.

Lister laughed. “Climate change.”

Jimmy hummed. They fell into silence for a while, Jimmy content to watch the snow, Lister content to watch Jimmy.

They passed the church. “Did you know I’ve been to church every day this week?” Jimmy said, so quietly that Lister hardly heard him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Do you- “ Lister paused. “Do you miss it? When we’re on tour, or whatever?”

Jimmy nodded. Lister didn’t know what to say to that. He hummed the tune of _Take Me To Church_ under his breath.

“Please don’t, I hate that song.”

Lister gaped at him. “How?”

Jimmy grimaced. “Jowan fans.”

“Ew.”

“Yeah.”

They walked some more. The silence started to annoy Lister. He had an idea, and scooped up some snow off of a nearby mailbox.

“Hey Jimmy,” Lister called.

Jimmy turned, just in time for Lister’s snowball to hit him right in the face.

“Fuck’s sake,” Jimmy laughed, wiping it off his face and taking his hood down. He began to take snow from the roof of a car, and Lister ran for it.

Jimmy called after him, and Lister heard his footsteps, just a few metres behind him. He ran across the road to lose him. Luck was not on his side, however, as the moment he got to the other side of the road he felt Jimmy’s weight collide with his as Jimmy tackled him.

The snow, it turned out, was not yet thick enough to cushion a fall onto hard concrete. “ _Ow_ ,” Lister whined.

Jimmy knelt beside him, scooped up some snow, and dumped it onto Lister’s face. “There,” he said happily, and lay down beside Lister.

“We’re in the middle of the pavement,” Lister said.

Jimmy shrugged. “There’s no one around.”

“True.” Lister spread his arm out and cleared the snow away beside him. “Look, snow angel. Angel roadkill.”

“Ha.”

Lister shielded his eyes from the falling snowflakes. He nudged Jimmy. “Hey, did your dad end up showing his face?”

Jimmy shook his head. “Nope,” he said, popping the ‘p’.

“Terrible. You should call Rowan.”

Jimmy smiled. He turned his head to Lister. “What's happening with your dad?”

Lister wrinkled his nose. "I hate visiting them on holidays. Feels like I'm a special guest more than an actual family member."

Jimmy hummed. “Fair. You’re sleeping on the couch, by the way.”

“I’m not squished with you on your single bed? Damn, what did I do to deserve this?”

“Mate, _I_ barely fit on it.”

“I know, and you’re tiny.”

“Fuck off.”

They made their way back when the snow in their hair melted and began to trickle down their necks. Lister liked this, as tired as he felt when he finally went to bed for the night. He was glad he came.

* * *

Lister was woken up gracelessly by the sound of the front door slamming shut, and he had about three seconds of tentative consciousness to prepare before snow was tossed onto his face.

He sat up, spluttering, and whipped his head around to see Jimmy laughing at him. “You fucking wanker,” he said.

Jimmy just grinned, and took off his gloves triumphantly.

“Why are you even awake?” Lister asked. “It’s like 6AM. This is a forbidden time for you.”

Jimmy snorted. “It’s not _6AM_. Also, church.”

“Ah.”

Jimmy sat down on the couch and began to put on his Doc Martens. “You wanna come, by any chance?”

Lister agreed, because he was still waking up and didn’t quite know how to tell Jimmy no. Half an hour later, he, Jimmy and Piero were trudging up the road to the town.

"Are you sure I won’t just burst into flames?" Lister asked.

Jimmy laughed. "Hasn't happened to me yet."

"Yeah, but you're just gay, y’know? Like, at least you believe. I'm bi, an atheist, and a worthless harlot. Triple threat."

Jimmy chuckled. “My grandad is _right there_ ,” he hissed.

Lister grinned.

"Jesus was sex positive," Jimmy pointed out.

"Was he?"

"Yeah."

"Well, nevermind then."

Jimmy looked over at him. "You don't have to be here if you’re not comfortable with it."

"And go back home to sit in silence with your sister? No thank you."

“She’s probably not even awake yet.” Jimmy stopped in his tracks. “Honestly, Lister, it’s fine.”

“No, no,” Lister insisted. “I want to be here.”

Jimmy didn’t say anything. He did start walking again, though.

“Are the choir good?” Lister asked.

“Uhh…” Jimmy struggled.

Lister snorted. “I’ll take that as a no.”

Jimmy smiled. “It’s more about the collective act of singing, y’know?”

“Right, right.”

* * *

Church was boring.

Or, Lister didn’t get it.

Maybe both.

But Lister noticed the way Jimmy was more at ease when they got home than he had been at the start of the day, so he didn’t count it as a worthless visit.

* * *

Lister spent most of the rest of the day watching reality TV with Jimmy’s mum and grandad. In the mid-afternoon, he wandered off to find Jimmy in his bedroom, just listening to music.

For a while, Lister sat with him and attempted to match the melodies with Jimmy’s guitar, much to Jimmy’s amusement.

Then Jimmy’s sister came to tell them it was dinner time. Lister set Jimmy’s guitar aside, and got up from Jimmy’s bed, but Jimmy stopped him.

“Lister,” he said quietly, placing a hand on his arm.

“Mm?” Lister turned to him.

Jimmy tugged his sleeves over his hands. “Will you mind if I drink around you tonight?”

Lister smiled, and shook his head.

“It’s just- “ Jimmy explained, “It’s the last day I’m going to be here, and I don’t want to have a bad time just because I’m sober and grouchy, y’know? I can’t-”

“Jim, it’s alright,” Lister told him. He tried to hold his gaze so Jimmy knew he meant it.

Jimmy stared back. He nodded. “Okay.”

Dinner was leftovers and wine, for those of them that were drinking. Lister was surprised to find that he wasn’t the only one not drinking. Bella, Jimmy’s sister, also refused the glass offered to her.

“You’re not drinking?” Lister asked, stupidly.

She smiled at him, and it wasn’t condescending like he’d expected it to be. “Yeah, no.”

“Huh.”

Throughout the meal, Lister reluctantly decided that Bella wasn’t as awful as he remembered her being. He told Jimmy as much after it was over and they were lounging on the couch.

Jimmy nodded in agreement. “Yeah. She’s...,” he trailed off. He smiled. “You wanna hear a secret?”

“Is it the sort of secret you’ll regret telling me when you’re sober?” Lister asked. He half-hoped Jimmy would tell him what he’d wanted to hear from him for years.

Jimmy thought about it, and shook his head resolutely. He held Lister’s shoulder and leaned into his ear.

“She wasn’t actually annoying me,” Jimmy whispered.

“What’re you on about?”

“When I called you,” Jimmy clarified. He lay his head on Lister’s shoulder. “And I told you my sister was pissing me off. She wasn’t,” he let out a laugh, “I just knew you were sulking.”

“Oh.” Lister didn’t know what to do with that information. “Love that.”

Jimmy poked his cheek. “I don’t mean anything by it. You’re just a bit stubborn, is all.”

“Mm.”

Jimmy ran his knuckles over Lister’s forearm. “Sorry,” he murmured.

Lister chuckled. “Isn’t that my thing? Apologising when I don’t need to?”

Jimmy stayed quiet. Then, he sat up. “Lister, I think you’re depressed.”

“...Uh-huh.”

“What I mean is,” Jimmy amended, “I think you’re having a hard time. And I know how fucking difficult it is to ask for help, ‘cause you just…” He brought his hands into his chest, sort of grabbing at his shirt. “Wanna keep it all here. Feels like _your_ burden.”

Lister furrowed his brow. He gave Jimmy a sad smile, and looked away.

“And I know it’s difficult,” Jimmy repeated, “to ask for anything.”

Jimmy was watching Lister very carefully. Lister knew Jimmy wanted him to say something, but he didn’t have the words he needed.

“So…”

Jimmy trailed off, and dropped his hands to his lap. And Lister finally forced himself to look at him, but Jimmy wouldn’t meet his eyes.

Slowly, gently, Lister pulled Jimmy into a hug. Jimmy hugged him back tightly.

“Thank you,” Lister mumbled into his shoulder.

Jimmy hummed and rubbed his shoulder. “You’re…” he began, but he didn’t finish his sentence.

And they just sat there. In each other’s arms.


End file.
